There are some things I prefer not to talk about which makes writing about them even less likely.
Body image has been a constant battle for me most of my life. So when I finally decided to tell the story it was kind of a big deal. I’m still not sure how to formulate it all, even after writing an open “Love Letter to My Body“.
But people around me have noticed and much to my chagrin, they tell me about it and it’s really uncomfortable. Okay, honestly, I hate it. I have for a long time now.
Then I ran across this picture.
The emotions ran rampant because I think maybe I finally saw what others are seeing. There really is a physical difference. I hesitate to say BIG difference but there it is in living color.
What I can’t seem to make people understand is I don’t feel different. I don’t feel like I’ve done something courageous or amazing or noteworthy. The change started in my heart long before it showed in my body and when I was ready, Jesus took me to the next step.
This has been because of His grace, through His grace and a beautiful picture of grace.
It seems that so many of us expect grace to have an instant affect. We get in a hurry for people to break free from habits that encumber our lives. We forget that those things are usually from wounds or to fill the emptiness.
We look at someone and so easily think “If they would just ________” as we fill out a prescription for wholeness in our heads. We forget that Jesus healed each person He touched in a unique way. Some who were blind had mud and spit on their eyes. He healed lepers, the lame and raised from the dead in personal miraculous ways.
The healing looked different on every person. Sometimes the process took waiting, sometimes it didn’t. Some healing happens in an instant, the woman with the issue of blood waited for years.
The common thread is they surrendered. They had faith that Jesus would make them whole in His time, in His way and for His purpose.
The picture about was two years ago this month. My healing had begun long before that. I was perfectly happy with the person in the photo (I still am actually). Soon I will be hunting down Pluto for another photo with him and I’ll post it side by side because it is part of my story and it’s something I need to do.
No picture tells the whole story but for now it will have to be enough,
Oh Jemelene, thank you so much for sharing with us. As difficult as it was for you, it is an inspiration to the rest of us. A reminder that healing is a process that is different for each of us completed in His time, His way and for His purpose through surrendering to him daily. I look forward to hearing more about what He is doing in you. God Bless you Jemelene and thank you again.
Thank you Sandra. Our God desires that we all live in His fullness doesn’t he?
I so appreciate that you boiled it down to hurts, and us trying to cover those, while the healing comes from submission to the LORD. I am finding this to be so true in my life in so many areas, from anger, depression, weight, stress, all the way to humanism. I never have to worry about God running out of lessons because there always seems to be a new issue every time I lose my composure, or a new layer of a previous issue. Thank you for your commitment to authenticity, it is inspiring 🙂
Thank you Shannon. It certainly is an interesting journey isn’t it?