When I was in seventh grade, tucked backed in a long row of trees stood an a framed church building. I spent seventh grade there as well as church for the two years we lived in Maine. It was there I heard of keeping a “quiet time diary”.

It was meant to develop a habit of daily scripture reading and prayer. I never developed the habit, even through christian high school and baptist college.

For five years we’ve been part of a church that uses the Life Journal but instead of seeing it as building a habit it’s been used to form a relationship with God.

To know Him better, to see Him up close and to breathe in His words to our hearts is the hope in encouraging each other.

It’s been a struggle for me.

Until recently, I’ve wrestled with devotions and quiet times and daily bible reading. I put it off until there isn’t time. When the space in my brain is too full to concentrate or soak it in.

When I teach, I study the words and the meanings and find lessons. It changes me mind and causes me to know more about Him and what He expects of me.

I’ve enrolled in bible studies and I’m able to be studious. Doing my homework isn’t an issue and learning the history and stories of the bible isn’t the issue.

It’s what the Word of God does to me.

The more I spend time listening, hearing, seeking, loving, worshiping and praising, the deeper I know Him. The more I know Him, the more He reveals in me.

I don’t like it. Not one bit.

Ignorance is bliss? Maybe.

Am I afraid of what I might see? Absolutely.

Maybe that’s what it really means to trust Him. Maybe it’s not just giving Him my requests but maybe giving Him my whole heart means I let Him speak into my life with grace and hope and peace.

It’s stripping away the arrogance that seems to proclaim “I’ve got this” when I haven’t got it at all.

If I allow Him to hold the past and present hurts in His gentle healing hands, it is then I begin to let go. He tells me to trust in Him. So I do.

Trust in Him flourishes as I find this truth, the more that I know Him, the more He knows me, the more unsettling it is to stay away.

I’m craving those daily moments now instead of avoiding them. The food my soul craves keeps me alive, growing and awake to the daily grace He pours over me.

Those mercies He makes new every morning? I don’t want to miss them.